Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize