FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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