So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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