New low: just hacked my moms facebook
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
