we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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