Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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