you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize