Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
