is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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