the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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