my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
