just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
