the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
