I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
