I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
