I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
