you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
