I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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