You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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