I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
