he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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