So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize