I could have mohawked her pubes.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
