My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Damn victory sex feels great
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
