I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
