My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
