Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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