May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
