after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think people are normalizing furries
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
