oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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