Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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