Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
