dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
