just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
