you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
