My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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