I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
