just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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