So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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