Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
