this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
