This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
