On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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