I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
