apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Dear god my vagina.
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