Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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