Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
