dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize