everyone is single if you try hard enough
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
