I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
