Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
