so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
