Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
