how can u be prego again
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize