I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
