I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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