I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize