he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
