I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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