the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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