I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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