Can i not drive my cunt home
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
