i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
