im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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