I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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